Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Ok, major prayer request coming.

We have 3 beautiful children. Isabelle, 9, Gabriel, 19 months, and an Angel, Levi. Levi would be 5 this year. We lost him in 2007 when a truck running a red light struck our car. Awhile after my husband and I decided that we wanted more children (before we had felt 2 was enough, though I think sooner or later I would have said otherwise! ;) ). We even discussed adoption! I told my husband I wanted our next child's name to be reminiscent of Levi. Something special.
Isabelle was a GREAT big sister from the start!  


Levi at 5 weeks old.

Levi, Halloween 2006.

Levi, just after his first birthday. 

Levi really shows his "shy" side here. He was all smiles most of the time, but he was quite and introverted. This was our first night at WDW, in 2007.



Our last night in WDW, 2007. We lost him only 8 days later.





I have very difficult pregnancies, so Gabriel was my last. Between him and Levi I had 2 midterm miscarriages. I nearly gave up, wondering if God didn't want me to have anymore children. Adoption came up again. Soon I was carrying Gabriel, though, and to term, too!

When I became pregnant with my 3rd child, Gabriel, before we knew he was a HE, I had picked the name for a girl, Leila (which reminded me of Levi!) Serenity. Gabriel's middle name is Ian, after the other name we struggled to decide between when we named Levi. I admit, I was a bit scared when we found out our 3rd child would be a boy. I had convinced myself we were having a girl, after all, I KNEW with my first two. I was afraid of what people would think and say, and of how much alike they could be. Other than blond hair and blue eyes, they couldn't be more different!!  I love each of my children so very much!!
Isabelle and I. I am 8 months pregnant with Gabriel here.



Time for ANOTHER C- section!!
A wonderful sissy!


If this is where God wants me to stop, I am ok with that. After all, I love my children with all I am and I am blessed for them. I have room in my heart, though. I have been praying and considering, considering and researching, oh! And praying!! Knowing there isn't a rush (unless God says otherwise) and time is on my side.

Through all this time (months), this is what I concluded, thus far, anyway; there is something about a baby being turned over to an orphanage or abandoned....not because she wasn't wanted, but because her mommy desperately wanted her to LIVE! I understand... After my losses, I can empathize and maybe offer hope to a precious little girl. <3

 So, while researching, I stumbled on THIS page. When I saw a beautiful little girl and my heart skipped!! And that was just staring into her deep, beautiful eyes!! When I started to read and saw her name I cried. Her name is Serenity. Maybe God is speaking louder than I think! And now, I keep going back to look at her and into those precious eyes! I can't get enough.

Serenity. This is an older picture, she will be 2 in March.
 I have contacted the agency about her. It may be all a fantasy or maybe it is meant to be. I have to wonder....




MUCH prayer is needed. If we decide (of course, I have to TALK to my husband about it first! lol! And the rest of our family, that I am afraid will judge and why I haven't said anything to them.) to adopt there is a LOT to consider. If Serenity isn't meant to be, but has led me on the right path as a sign, the referral process to adopt from China can take 6 years!!! And cost almost $30,000...which is the major hold-back.  I know God will provide if it is they way, but that figure will scare my husband away! So many considerations. Please, I need prayer and a LOT of it. This is a BIG deal. My heart is big, is this the way?


6 comments:

  1. Showhope.org; they provide grants to help with adoption costs. Also, the process is 6 years for healthy kids. Waiting children are generally quicker, but still slow from start to finish. Definitely praying!!!!

    -Jen

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  2. Sending many prayers your way. You will do what is right for you and yours.

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  3. I'll pray that this decision is easy for you. I loved seeing pictures of Levi again. ((HUGS))

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  4. We can talk more, but for a child that is identified as special needs, the wait from start to finish is around a year on average (or was, when I went this past year). The line for "healthy" and "as young as possible" (or what China refers to as non special needs) is 6 years and rapidly growing. (The people who are traveling now waited between 5 and 6 years, but the time continues to lengthen, so it is likely that it will be much longer.)

    Regardless, sending prayers that you receive a clear direction. If it means adoption, I can assure you, the rest will follow.

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  5. Lots of prayers my friend... if you run into questions my cousin has been trough process and may be able to help :)

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